Following celebrity gossip, even just casually, is a thankless business. You have to slog through way too much Kardashian and (shudder) Tara Reid in order to get the occasional quality, Johnny Depp-caliber nugget. But I feel like 25 years of sort of paying attention to all of this has finally paid off.
This one "All of the Jacksons are Kidnapping One Another" headline will sustain me through another 1000 Lindsay Lohan bits. If you aren't paying attention (and you really should be), apparently some of the Jackson siblings have kidnapped Katherine (the matriarch) in order to brainwash her into challenging Michael's will (they took her to Arizona to play Uno, naturally). Paris, who is rapidly becoming the nation's favorite Jackson, took to Twitter to reveal her aunts/uncles malevolent scheme. There may or may not have been a physical altercation between Janet and Paris as a result of Paris's airing the dirty family laundry on Twitter and the whole kidnapping of the grandmother business. TJ, Tito's son, has been granted temporary custody of Paris, Prince and Blanket. Conspicuously missing from all of this is LaToya, who may have actually been the most normal Jackson all along. Who would have thought?
Edited to add:
Gawker has just published a handy user guide to Jackson family craziness, here