i know that my heart will go on

I just {sniff} got back from Titanic. I saw the movie when it first came out, like everybody else in the world, and I knew I wanted to see it on the big screen again. Some of my impressions of the movie were the same as they were the first time around:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet circa 1997 -- youth and beauty. Ain't nothing like 'em.

2. "Jack!" "Rose!" "Jack!" "Rose!" "Jack!" "Rose!" comprises much of the dialogue.

3. There is a whole lot of cheese in this movie, but I am able to forgive much of it because of #1.

Honestly, the whole thing was way more wrenching 15 years later. And there was one huge, giant issue that I missed the first time around that's now completely haunting me. My friend Andrea actually tipped me off to this when I was asking around to see if anyone wanted to go see it, and she said thanks but no thanks because she was so traumatized after the first time she saw it that she vowed never to see it again, and why oh WHY did they not both fit on that plank? And while I understood her general sense of being traumatized by the film, I didn't specifically remember the plank. And I don't know HOW I didn't remember the plank, because it wasn't a plank, it was more like a freaking garage door! Why didn't Leo just hop on it with Kate (and pull like ten other people out of the North Atlantic while he was at it)? It is inexplicable. In fact, I was so troubled by this that I turned to Professor Google for some answers, and began typing in my query: "why didn't jack get on th-" and lo and behold! This is apparently so common of an inquiry that google actually finished my search for me: "Why didn't Jack get on the door?" {so see, it's at least a door} and there are just pages devoted to this question, including one article called "15 Easily Avoidable Movie Deaths." Exactly. You didn't need to die Jack!

Since I love my husband I decided that I would not drag him to see Titanic with me twice during the course of our lifetime together, and I went with my SIL, my 14 year old niece and her friend (who sat far away from us, in true 14 year old fashion). You know how usually when you are saying your goodbyes with someone after a social outing it's kind of normal to say something like "well, bye! That was fun!" But you can't say that after seeing Titanic. So I settled on: "well, good night. That was emotionally draining in the best possible way."

Edited on 4/23 to add:

My friend Betsey emailed me to explain that Leo DID try to get on the door, but it started to sink down into the freezing water so he stops, knowing that he will die but that she will be saved. {SOBS} I hear that, but I still think that he should have tried harder. {SOBS}

And David asked me the next morning if the 3D fixed the dialogue. Bahahaha. And the answer to that question is no, not really.

Musical musings

David and I were driving home from dinner on Saturday night and I started telling him that I was really making an effort to listen to more Top 40 radio in an attempt to stay young and current, but that most of it is just so bad that it's painful to stay the course, and it's really much easier to just continue living in the 80s and 90s, music-wise. We had at least three seconds of complete agreement about the state of today's music, until I told him that one notable exception is Justin Bieber's Boyfriend, which is actually kind of awesome, at which point I lost all credibility in his mind. I told him that I just couldn't say it any better than they did on Glee -- he underestimates the power of the Biebs.



And then we had this exchange:

C: Speaking of GOOD music, I bought a new song on iTunes today.
D: What?
C: I'll give you a clue: Is this love, that I'm feeling? Is this the lo-ove, that I've been searching fo-orrrr?
D: Oh God. No.
C: Yes. Yes I did.
D: If you are going to buy Whitesnake, at least buy the song with the video where Tawny what's-her-name slithers on the hood of the car.
C: I think Tawny slithers in all of their videos.

What can I say? You can take the girl out of the era of the Tender Heavy Metal Power Ballad, but you can't take the Tender Heavy Metal Power Ballad out of the girl.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

For years my workout wardrobe has consisted of old t-shirts and (usually mismatched) running shorts, but when I started taking hot yoga I actually went out and bought a couple of honest-to-goodness coordinated yoga outfits. One day I walked into the kitchen in one of these yoga tanks/pants ensembles and Caroline FREAKED OUT, as if she had just seen a multi-tiered sequined tulle pettiskirt or something, and started begging me to buy her her own "exercise clothes." So one day at Target I picked up a workout tank and matching shorts for her, and she loves to wear them around the house "like mom" (or maybe I should say, "like the version of mom that she would really rather see more of," because she has never shown any interest in imitating the paint-splattered-sweatpants-and-2010-Zoo-Run-shirt look that I most frequently sport).



While she was imitating me anyway, she went ahead and washed some dishes (it's a glamorous life).

Caine's arcade

I love this kid (his security system to make sure it's an authentic Fun Pass is brilliant). I love his dad. I love the filmmaker ("I was blown away, Caine's only sold one Fun Pass? Like, the Fun Pass is an awesome deal.") This video just captures everything that's right in the world.

Hey, that's not my sandwich!

When I picked up Elizabeth after school today, we had this conversation:

E: Mom, do you know what was the worst part of my day was?
C: No, what?
E: You sent me with your lunch by mistake.
C: Really? What was in your lunchbox?
E: A cream cheese and jelly sandwich, goldfish and strawberries.
C: Do you know what my lunch was? Broccoli slaw with garbanzo beans, gorgonzola, and grape tomatoes with balsamic and olive oil. The cream cheese and grape jelly sandwich was definitely meant for you.
E: Oh. But I don't really like cream cheese sandwiches.
C: Well, I was trying to mix things up so you don't get into a lunch rut. You eat cream cheese waffles. I didn't think that cream cheese and jelly on a roll was too far of a leap.

I used to make Elizabeth turkey and cheese sandwiches until I ate lunch with her a few times and realized she took off the turkey (which deeply offended my "don't waste food" sensibilities) so then I started just sending her with plain cheese sandwiches. I don't know WHAT prompted that wild and crazy cream cheese sandwich idea. Maybe I need more sleep. Maybe I've been inhaling too much blooming honeysuckle. Maybe our trip to New Orleans last weekend had me all inspired to think outside the culinary box. Whatever it was, my kids clearly want it to go away. So tomorrow, it's back to The Jacob (peanut butter sandwich) and The Elizabeth (cheese sandwich).

Scolded by the lunch lady

I did "teacher time out" at Jacob's school today. That is, I took Jacob's class to the cafeteria for lunch so his teacher could get a break. It started out well enough. I talked with one of Jacob's friends about The Hunger Games. Another kid and I chatted about how much we like cheese. Jacob told me to stop eating his goldfish. Just a regular fun lunch with the class. I noticed that the noise level seemed to be rising, but I figured that was just normal for three classes of 9 and 10 year olds - but then Jacob said: "Mom. It's getting too loud. She's looking at us. Do something or she will make it a quiet lunch!!!" So I tried: "Hey guys. Let's just lower our voices a bit. Okay? You can talk. Just keep it down. Okay? Great!" But they pretty much kept right on talking at the same volume, and then it happened:

"Boys and girls!! It is VERY loud in here! It sounds like there are TWICE as many children in the room as there actually are. This is your warning. If I have to talk to you again . . . we will have a quiet lunch." {collective gasp} Then this lady looked directly at our table and pointed, and I SWEAR she made eye contact with me, and said: "THAT table! Boys, I KNOW you are being loud because I can HEAR your loud voices."

Doh! I have one job to do - get these kids to the cafeteria and back without losing any of them and without getting hit with a quiet lunch (well I guess that's technically three jobs) and I'm failing spectacularly!! And then the flashbacks began, and I was magically transported back 30 years, where the Community School lunch lady was back in my face saying "I think I may need to call you Chatty Cathy." Then I heard Jacob rattling in my ear: "See mom? I told you! I told you!"

After the warning, everyone was quiet for like a minute and then started to get loud again. I asked Jacob: "how often do you have a quiet lunch?" and he said "oh, AT LEAST once a week." And suddenly I was filled with a steely determination. I looked him in the eye and said "Not on my watch."

I knew I had to take control of the situation or forever live with the shame of getting hit with a quiet lunch on my shift. I decided to first try the "take pity on the poor mom" approach: "Guys? Guys! Dude. What's your name? Aiden? Okay look, Aiden. It's really embarrassing if the class gets a quiet lunch when you're the teacher time out. Help a mom out here, okay? You can talk, just don't yell. Please? Thank you."

I asked Jacob how much time was left. Fifteen minutes!! Thankfully, at that point a bunch of them had to go to the bathroom, which presented its own set of complications (school-wide buddy system for boys after the rogue "pee on the floor" incident; not exactly sure how many of them I was allowed release at once, etc.) but the upshot of that was that there were less of them there to make noise, and we were able to run out the clock.

When we got back to the classroom, Jacob's teacher asked how it went. I said "it went great! We got a warning, but we avoided the quiet lunch." She said "awesome job!" I think I could have said "we burned down the kitchen" and she would have told me I did an awesome job, given that she just got to have lunch in peace.

Once again, I am in complete awe of good teachers.

Gwyneth to the rescue!

Gwyneth Paltrow's Quick Recipe for Busy Moms - Quail Egg Pasta with Black Truffles:

Read it here.

I'm pretty sure that this is Gwyneth's April Fool's joke, even though she posted this late on March 31, but it really doesn't sound all that different from anything that Gwyneth says. Which just makes it all the more awesome.