Sign you may be having a midlife crisis

You begin loading your iPod with early 2000s hip hop containing explicit lyrics advisories.

Sign your midlife crisis will be lame: You immediately search for the Kidz Bop version of the same song so that you can listen to the tune in the minivan with the kiddos.

Incidentally, I can probably only pick out about 25% of the objectionable content in these songs -- most of it is probably so bad that 39 year old suburban soccer moms can't even understand it. I mean, I know that "smoke an L in the back of a Benz-y" is bad, but what about "We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold Ds?" Is that bad? I don't know. It definitely might be. The clean version of the song switches "smoke an L in the back of a Benz-y" to "ride in the back of a Benz-y" -- i.e., abject materialism rather than drugs, so it may be a marginal improvement but still probably still not a line I want Caroline serenading her preschool class with. So I guess I'll have to save Nelly for my headphones and stick with Adele for the car rides.